A durable but fragile life
A few days ago my husband and son were playing on the bed. It had been a few weeks since Frej had been home so they were having so much fun together. There was pure joy and laughter coming from the room. I was so happy to have both my boys together at home again.
Suddenly it was quiet. My husband came to me in the kitchen with my son limp in his arms. He wasn't breathing. He kept saying, "Call 112". I was paralyzed. I couldn't process what he was telling me. I looked at my 2-year-old son and he was unconscious. He screamed to me this time in a panic, "Alex, call 112!". Our lives flashed before our eyes. This could not be happening to us. After what felt like the longest 30 seconds of our lives, our son started screaming. His breath came back, as did ours.
Frej did some neurological tests on him, and we drove straight to the hospital. All we could do was cry. Zacke didn't know what was happening. He just kept saying. "Mamma är ledsen." Mamma is sad. He was so calm and cooperative as they ran tests but I could see he was a little scared. My brave little boy was under observation for 5 hours.
In the meantime, he found books and a puzzle, of course. He was jumping around, happy as can be, just like his usual self.
All the tests came back normal and there was a pretty good explanation for what had happened. He experienced what's called a vasovagal reaction. While playing, he must have landed on his neck in a way that put pressure on his neck receptors which caused him to pass out. Although it was a very scary experience, he didn't suffer any dangerous injuries and would be just fine. We, on the other hand, were about to be admitted.
It felt like we had dodged a bullet that could have killed us all. It made me so so grateful for my family. For my little boy. The biggest joy in our lives and the strongest source of love.
When we got home me and my husband were completely shaken up. We were laying in bed and I just said, "Life is so fragile Frej."
He said, "Yes it is, but life can be so durable too."
He was speaking from a doctor's perspective. He explained that many patients who come in, don't seem or expect to make it, but the body is strong and we are more resilient than we know.
Many have gone through or are going through these moments of uncertainty right now, where their physical bodies are durable but life is fragile and nothing is guaranteed.
So many things could have gone wrong with my son, we thought we had lost him in those seconds. But he's here. There have been several times I've witnessed this unpredictability. My dad and my stepdad have both fought for their lives on different occasions. My sister suffered a ruptured brain aneurysm suddenly last year and today she is a walking miracle. Nothing was guaranteed and life was very fragile during those excruciating few days when we didn't have any answers. But they are here.
Our dear family friend Gus, has been in the ICU fighting for his life for almost two months now. The doctors are doing everything they can to save him, and his family and friends are praying for a miracle now. He is here, his body has been fighting but his life is very fragile right now.
If you feel led to support Gus and his family, please follow the link below. Along with the pain they are currently facing, financial struggles are also following as they use the most advanced form of life support available. Please keep them in your prayers.
Fearing that the person you love most in this world can be gone in an instant is the worst thing I can imagine. Losing them? Incomprehensible.
We forget how fragile life is because usually, things turn out okay. We forget that circumstances can change in an instant. And when they do, it's like seeing the world through a new lens.
We get to truly experience how this life we've been given is a true miracle.